Hitting the Motherload
by Vivihanna
Summary: Sylar's hunger has gotten out of control and Peter is worried. Mohinder agrees to help and suggests a legendary monster might be able to cure him. So the trio set off on a journey across the galaxy. *Crackfic*


**Title:** Hitting the Motherload  
><strong>Characters:<strong> Peter Petrelli, Sylar, Mohinder, extra terrestrials  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG-13  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Heroes belongs to NBC. No money is being made, just for fun.  
><strong>Contains:<strong> Crack humor, Metroid crossover.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Sylar's hunger has gotten out of control. Mohinder agrees to help and suggests a legendary monster might be able to cure him. So the trio set off on a journey across the galaxy.

**AN:** No prior knowledge of the other series in this crossover is needed to enjoy the story. Mohinder will explain anything pertinent to the plot. You can also read this at my Livejournal (Username vivihanna) where I have included links throughout the story if you are curious to see images or video of what they are talking about.

Peter paced back and forth while Sylar rocked slowly on the couch holding his knees with a crazed look on his face.

"Where the hell is Mohinder, he should be here by now!" Peter ran his fingers through his bangs nervously.

"He is having to come all the way from India," Sylar explained, monotone, while staring into space.

"That's no excuse." Peter sat down beside Sylar and put his arm around him. "It's going to be okay, Mohinder will know what to do."

There was a knock on the door and Peter rushed over to answer it. Mohinder walked in with his laptop and a brown bag that had a few grease stains on it.

Sylar perked up and started to sniff the air frantically. His nose then led him over to the suspicious brown bag and he pounced on it, devouring the food inside like a hungry leopard.

"Bad Sylar!" Peter hit him a few times with a rolled up newspaper. "That was very rude; you didn't share any of that with the rest of us!"

Mohinder pulled Peter back. "It's okay, that food was meant for him. I don't think you'd want any of it anyway."

Sylar looked around as though he had just woken up. "I feel normal again. What did you do, Momo?"

"You just had some Cuban cuisine, they call it 'brain fritters'."

"_Eeeww!_" Peter and Sylar said in unison.

"And don't call me 'Momo'," he added.

Sylar walked up to Mohinder and got in his face. "How dare you feed me brains!"

"You killed my father; I think this makes us even."

Sylar thought about that for a moment. "Alright, but what now? That was just a snack; The Hunger™ will come back eventually."

Mohinder sat his laptop down on the table and began to show them documents on the screen. "I think I found something that can cure you of your hunger permanently. There is a legend that speaks of an evil monster named…" he turned to look at the other two in a dramatic fashion, "…Mother Brain."

Peter and Sylar both stared at him like they were about to crack up.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm serious!" He pulled up more maps onto the screen as well as a picture of some sort of suit. "To put it simply, all we have to do is get some Power Suits, a ship, and head out to the planet Zebes."

"Oh yeah, that sounds _real_ easy. Sylar we can use your spaceship."

"Can't, it's in the shop, getting an oil change," he said casually.

"Well damn," Peter snapped his fingers mockingly, "we'll just have to use your spaceship, Momo. Oh, and we can name it the 'Momo-mobile'!"

Mohinder sighed heavily. "We'll have to get the suits from the Chozo anyway and I'm sure they'll have a ship we can borrow… And don't call me 'Momo'."

"Chozo?" Peter and Sylar asked in unison.

"The Chozo are a race of bird-like extraterrestrials that make the Power Suits we'll need to explore the planet Zebes to get to Mother Brain. There's only one problem, the remaining survivors of the race fled to an unknown location."

The other two men looked at Mohinder as if he had lost his mind.

"Can't we just buy these Power Suits off of Amazon or eBay?" Sylar asked.

"No, don't be silly," Mohinder sighed.

"If we don't know their location, then why did you even bring this up?" Peter crossed his arms.

Mohinder pressed a speed dial button on his cell phone. "You forget, we have our very own GPS system." He then turned his attention to the phone.

"Hey Molly, I sent you an email, I need you to locate the race in that picture."…"No, this is not a joke. Stop laughing."…"No, I am not drunk."…"Yes, he's here."

Mohinder then looked over at Peter. "Black jeans and a thin white t-shirt, why?"…"No, I will not ask him to do that!"…"Are you really blackmailing your own father?"…"Fine, hold on."

"She'll locate the race in exchange for a picture of Peter…" Mohinder sighed, "…a pic of him soaking wet while lifting his shirt up some, showing off his six-pack."

Peter blinked a few times and a pouty look appeared on Sylar's face.

"She doesn't want to see _my_ six-pack…?" Sylar whined.

"OMG! Sylar is there too?" a squeal blasted from the phone, making them all jump.

"Yes, he is."…"No, you can't change the agreement now."…"You just wait until I get home, young lady."..."Fine, hold on a minute."

"Good going, Sy, now she wants a pic like that of both of you."

Sylar and Peter both rolled their eyes in unison and nodded in agreement.

"They agreed, it's a deal, now locate the Chozo." Mohinder wrote down the coordinates. "Thanks sweetie. Now go to your room, you're grounded, missy. And I better not find any Petlar on your computer when I get home or else!"

Peter and Sylar looked at each other and just blinked.

"Well, are you guys ready to go?" Mohinder put his laptop in its bag and stood up.

"So let me get this straight," Sylar began, "we're going to teleport to the Chozo bird people, convince them to give us a ship and some Power Suits, then we're going to drive that spaceship to a planet called Zebes where we will find an evil monster named Mother Brain," he made mocking motions with his hands, "I will kill her and then my hunger will disappear forever?"

"In a nutshell, yes, not to mention we'll be saving the whole galaxy in the process."

Peter's ears perked up at that last part. "Woot! Sounds good, let's go!" He then looked at the coordinates, put his hands on Sylar's and Mohinder's shoulders and in a blink they were gone.

They reappeared in front of a beautiful grand city; statues of the Chozo adorned the streets liberally.

"This has got to be the place." Peter looked around, spotting a few signs that he couldn't read, they were written in the alien's language. "Oh great, how are we going to communicate with them?"

"Hold on." Sylar stared at the signs for a few moments as his intuitive aptitude took over and allowed him to translate them somehow. "I got it; this one pointing to the left says 'Spaceship Rental' and this one pointing to the right says 'Bed, Bath, and Power Suits'. Peter and I will go get the suits while you get the ship and we'll meet back here."

Mohinder nodded and they set off in opposite directions.

After a couple blocks they arrived at the store. They were instantly greeted by a cute little female Chozo when they walked in. How did they know it was female? Well she was wearing a pink bow, of course.

"Hi there, we need three of your best Power Suits please, two black ones and a really tacky colored one for Mohinder, to match the atrocious scarf he likes to wear." Peter smiled.

"Yeah, and make sure they are fully upgraded. We don't have time for any of that scavenger-hunt-around-the-planet bullshit, we're in a hurry," Sylar added, smacking his hand down on the counter.

The Chozette looked back and forth between them, studying their features. She made quiet cooing sounds as little red pixelated hearts appeared and floated around her.

"That _can't_ be good," Peter decided.

Then the bird-girl began to speak, "Boc bwak boccy boc biccy boca booka."

Sylar's face fell and he sighed. "Just great, I can't translate that, just the writing."

"It's okay, I got this one, my empathy is _so_ good it's picking up her meaning. She just said she'll give us the suits but she wants a favor in return."

"Alright, what do you want?" Sylar asked, a little afraid of the answer.

She answered in her language all while humming a tune, pointing at them and then her, and doing a little dance that neither of the men had a good feeling about.

"Well, what'd she say?"

Peter face-palmed and sighed, "Sy, you're not going to like this."

Sylar blinked a few times while waiting in anticipation, he was so cute when he was clueless.

"She sang, and I quote, 'It's not gay when it's in a three-way, with a honey in the middle there's some leeway'." The Chozette then put two neon jumpsuits on the counter to complete the sentiment.

"…"

It took Sylar a moment to fully comprehend the request but when he did, he was not happy _at all_. He looked at the bird creature in front of them, "Oh _heeeeeeellllllll_ no! Whips, chains, handcuffs, maybe, but bestiality, no way!"

Peter raised an eyebrow, looking over at Sylar with a mischievous grin and stored that information away for later.

"Peter, this is all _your_ fault! You always have to go prancing around looking all cute and irresistible with your puppy eyes, making everyone hit on us!" Sylar stepped closer to the other man.

"_Me_? Why don't _you_ look in a mirror? With your sexy eyebrows, rough five o'clock shadow, soft supple lips, and tight, luscious ass, you're not innocent in all of this either!" Peter stepped even closer, closing the gap between them, now only an inch apart, looking into each other's face. Sylar's warm breath made Peter's bangs sway _ever_ so slightly.

A loud thud interrupted their argument. They looked over to see the little Chozo had fainted; the sexiness in the room was too much for her to handle. She had pixelated swirlies over her eyes and her nose was bleeding a little.

"Just great! Sylar, help me find some water."

So they found some and splashed her with it. She woke up squawking.

"Listen Tweety," Sylar said sternly, "we really need those suits if you want us to save the galaxy. So how about giving us a break?" He then attempted to use Peter's puppy eye power on her.

It appeared to work; she sighed, nodded slowly, and asked a question.

"She asks if we can at least sing a song while dancing for her. That doesn't sound too bad."

"Peter, I can't dance, don't ask me."

"Oh yes you can. Sometimes I turn invisible and spy on you playing Dance Dance Revolution, you're pretty good."

"Why, thank yo-… you _what_? Peter how dare you invade my privacy like that!"

"Don't worry, killa', _all_ your secrets are safe with me." He winked.

Sylar sighed. "Fine, Big Bird, one song and dance but that's it… And nothing freaky either."

The Chozette beamed with delight as she showed them the music video she wanted them to imitate from her tablet PC.

Sylar-cat was not amused. "Hell no," was all he said.

"You've already agreed, can't back out now!" Peter tugged on his arm, appearing a bit too excited about doing this.

The Chozo led them to the back room and turned on the lights to reveal a stage. She handed them their new outfits that matched those worn in the video.

"Why do I have a feeling she's done this before?" Peter pondered while they headed to the changing rooms.

The little bird looked down at the ground and sighed, thinking, _I'm so lonely._

A few moments later they reemerged wearing white tank tops and slightly baggy black pants. The Chozette squealed with delight while hopping up and down.

"Okay, let's get this over with." Sylar headed towards the stage.

They took their places, ready to begin. The Chozo motioned for them to wait a second and then pushed a button that made alarms go off nearby. A minute later a little group of female Chozo came through the back door and into the room. They were all female because they were all wearing pink bows on their heads.

Peter's jaw dropped. "She has her own itty bitty pervert committee!"

The Chozette turned on the huge fans and started the music. Sylar and Peter gave each other a look and then began singing in unison.

"_It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you, but when we are apart I feel it toooo, and no matter what I do, I feel the pain, with or without you._" They began to dance perfectly, copying the N' Sync video exactly, their clothing blowing in the wind. The crowd of Chozette began whistling and cheering.

Sylar grabbed a mic and stepped forward to sing first. "_Baby, I don't understand, just why we can't be lovers._" He tried to appear as manly as he could under the circumstances. He glanced over at Peter who appeared to be in his own little world, dancing to the beat with a big stupid grin on his face.

"_Things are getting out of haaaand._" He then had to duck as panties were launched at him.

Outside, Mohinder got tired of waiting and went to go look for them. He found the store and heard the ruckus coming from the back, he headed in to investigate. He peeked in the doorway and his jaw dropped to the floor as he saw what Peter and Sylar were up to. He wasted no time in getting out his cellphone to record the event.

"_I am down, on my knees,_" Sylar sang as Peter let out a giggle. "_I can't take it anymoooore._" He then kicked at Peter, pretending it was part of his dancing.

Mohinder was not only recording this, he was streaming it live over the interwebs. How he got a signal out there was anyone's guess. He smiled wickedly as the chat room on the streaming page filled up:

**GPSxMolly:** OMG! That's so hawt!

**2pretty2BthisSMRT:** Molly, you're still grounded, that means no computer!

**1337Rebel:** I'm making this stream to everyone's browser in the whole world! LOL!

**CoolxHandxLuke:** I agree with Molly, that is soooo hawt!

**XXXNikki4u:** Woot! Would you like fries with that shake? Hot, hot!

**2pretty2BthisSMRT:** Not you too Nikki…

**PsychicTeddyBear:** So this is why you left me and Molly home all alone?

**CoolxHandxLuke:** Busted!

**2pretty2BthisSMRT:** No, it's not like that, we're on a quest to cure Sylar's hunger!

**PsychicTeddyBear:** Well it sure looks like you're trying to cure a hunger of your own!

**PsychicTeddyBear Leaves the room.**

**PikachuLVR:** ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/ｺﾝﾊﾞﾝﾊ Wow, Sylar is one sexy billain, yatta!

**MrMonroeIfYaNasty:** Wot's all this? Bloody hell! Yum, yum!

**2pretty2BthisSMRT:** …Okay, this is not turning out like I planned…

**BigMommaP:** Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive, dear. I had a dream; they're going to kill you when they find out about this.

**ClaireBear:** Mohinder, you don't understand. You can't embarrass Peter because everything he does is absolutely adorable, no matter what. And because Sylar is near him, that goes for him too. It's a power he didn't know he picked up while petting kittens in a pet shop one day.

**2pretty2BthisSMRT:** Kittens?

**ClaireBear:** Yes, kittens. Every single kitten has this ability, Intuitive Cuteness. In fact, it was the kittens that originally invented the puppy eyes.

**2pretty2BthisSMRT: **…

**CoolxHandxLuke:** You guys are weird.

**JackBauerFan:** Mohinder, do you need back up?

**CoolxHandxLuke:** No, he should go over there and be their back up dancer though, woot!

**ClaireBear:** Luke, are you drunk?

**2pretty2BthisSMRT:** Thanks Noah, but I think I have everything under control. :)

**Petrelli4President2012:** WTF? OMG, this can't be good for the polls… I'm going to kill you Mohinder! D:

**2pretty2BthisSMRT Leaves the room. Transmission stopped.**

By this time, several Chozo had fainted and there were red roses and panties scattered across the stage. Peter and Sylar took a bow as the song ended. Mohinder pretended he just got there and walked over.

"Hey guys, what's going on?"

"Uh, nothing," they said in unison.

"I think I played a great Justin," Peter said proudly.

"And why did _you_ get to be Justin?" Sylar asked.

"Isn't it obvious? We're both adorable, have great hair, and we both have puppy eyes."

"Well I got the most panties thrown at me, and the rest of them I melted just by being near them!" Sylar bragged.

Mohinder sighed and looked up at the ceiling, wondering why he was being punished like this. "Are you guys ready to go? Where are the suits?"

The Chozette walked over and handed them three bright circular objects. They each took one and started to glow brightly. When the light died down they stood there in their new attire looking themselves over.

Sylar immediately tried out the cannon on his arm and accidentally blew a hole in a nearby wall, earning him a glare from the Chozette.

"Um, Momo, I don't remember the suits being skin tight in the pictures you showed us." Peter peered around at his own scandalous ass.

"They weren't! Also, we're missing our helmets." Mohinder looked over at the group of Chozo who were standing there giggling, blushing and staring at them; some of them even took pictures. "And why is mine in these ugly colors? And don't call me 'Momo'." Peter held back a giggle.

Sylar looked back and forth between Mohinder and Peter, a huge smirk forming on his face. "Well, well, looks like my codpiece is the biggest."

Mohinder and Peter both face-palmed in unison.

"Anyway, we should go now. Did you get the ship?" Peter posed a little for the Chozo paparazzi, eliciting screams from the crowd.

"Yeah, it's right outside." He held up the keys which had a troll with long hair on the keychain.

Sylar looked over at the Chozette and smiled. "Thanks for your help, we really appreciate it." The cute, little, innocent-looking bird walked up to him and gave him a hug. A moment later Sylar's eyes widened as she squeezed his ass. "Hey! Bad Chozo!" He hit her a few times with a rolled up newspaper.

"_Baby, bye, bye, bye!_" Peter sang as they headed for the doorway, waving back to their groupies. Sylar elbowed him in the ribs. "Ow!"

As she watched them leave, she sighed sadly and sang in her head, _Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay sexy all day in the suuun, wonderin' free, wish I could be part of their woooorld._ A single tear fell down her cheek.

"Shotgun!" Sylar called as they hopped into the spaceship and took their seats.

Peter looked around. "There are a lot of buttons and controls, you sure you can drive this thing, Momo?"

"Of course." He took an Xbox controller out of his bag and plugged it into one of the ship's usb ports. "And don't call me 'Momo'."

The spaceship backfired a couple times and then they were off into the depths of the cosmos. Mohinder set the auto pilot to the planet Zebes and they passed their time playing truth or dare. The details of which cannot be repeated here, the rating on this fic does not allow it and the word count is already running longer than it should be. It was, however, super _hawt_.

They landed on the planet, hopped out and began their journey. Mohinder led the way, consulting the computer built into the cannon on his arm for directions. Along the way they ran into small monsters and defeated them without trouble.

"Alright, the guide says we're almost to a boss fight. Are you guys comfortable enough with your suits to attempt this?" Mohinder looked at them with doubt.

"I haven't tried out all the buttons, no. I wonder what this one does," Peter said as he suddenly disappeared.

Sylar and Mohinder glanced around nervously. "Peter?"

"What the hell?" was heard below them, they looked down to see a metallic ball on the ground where Peter was standing a moment before.

"Oh yes, the Morph Ball feature of our suits. Sorry, I should have explained everything first." Mohinder giggled.

"This is not funny! ...Hey, what does this button do?" A bloop sound was then heard as a small bomb dropped from the ball.

Mohinder grabbed Sylar and pushed him out of the way just as a little explosion went off. "Peter, be careful, that's not a toy! Don't push anymore buttons!"

"Whee! That was fun!" came from the ball as it dropped to the ground from being launched into the air by the detonation. Then the ball began to bounce up and down, Peter had found the button to jump while in this form. "Sylar, you should try this, bounce with me!"

Before Mohinder could stop him, Sylar had changed and was bouncing around with Peter. "This is not play time! Stop that this instant!"

To this, Peter and Sylar parked themselves side by side at Mohinder's feet. "Mohinder, don't be such a dick," Sylar said and laughter erupted from the two balls.

Mohinder went to face-palm at them but accidentally did it with the hand cannon arm, bopping himself in the head. The two other men were laughing so hard now, they came out of Morph Ball form.

"This is serious! You two might not be able to die but I can, so please concentrate." He looked at Peter. "What would Nathan think if you let me die?" Then he turned to Sylar. "What would your mom, up in heaven, think if she saw her son let an innocent man die while he was trying to help him?" He then used his Momo eyes on them and smiled, teeth sparkling.

Peter glanced down at the ground, a solemn look on his face. "So, in other words… you didn't like our balls?"

"…"

They began cracking up again. "Don't worry, Momo. Nothing bad is going to happen, we got this!" Peter said optimistically.

"Man, after that I got to piss like a race horse. I don't see the fly on this suit though."

"Sy, these suits are so technologically advanced they have the bathroom built into it. So just go for it." Peter assured him.

"Um, no they don't, Peter." Mohinder informed.

"They don't? Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"…"

The other two men scooted away from Peter.

"Okay, enough playing around. Let's go get this boss!" Peter changed the subject real quick and strutted ahead into the room in front of them.

"You heard Mr. Peepot, let's hit it!" Sylar followed him.

Mohinder searched the ceiling again, as if looking for someone to save him or even perhaps some lightning to take him out. He sighed and followed.

The room was very dark and appeared empty. They walked in a few feet and came to a ledge; they couldn't go any further because there were spikes covering the ground.

"Alright, listen. All we have to do is shoot missiles at his eyes, then in his mouth when he opens it, got it?" Mohinder instructed.

"Sounds as easy as Sylar after a few drinks." He was then elbowed. "Ow!"

The ground began to shake as a giant green lizard looking monster started to emerge from the spikes. It came up only halfway at first, allowing the three men to reach its eyes and mouth with their cannons just by jumping from where they stood. After a couple hits, the creature then continued to rise out of the ground the rest of the way, roaring with pain and shooting spikes out of its stomach. Two platforms appeared as the monster ripped off the ceiling, Mohinder jumped onto one while Peter and Sylar flew up to eye level with the lizard and continued the assault. The monster continually blocked its mouth with its claws, preventing the missiles from reaching its weak spot and causing ammo to be wasted.

"Dammit, I'm out of missiles!" Peter yelled.

"Me too." Mohinder sighed.

"Fuck this shit!" Sylar lifted his other hand, extended his index finger, and sliced the creature's skull clean open with one quick motion.

The lizard fell to the ground with a loud thud as Peter and Mohinder looked over at Sylar with a shocked expression.

Sylar could have sworn he saw little pixelated hearts in their eyes for a moment. "What? C'mon, let's head to the next boss. I'm starting to get _hungry_."

So they continued on, Sylar opened a can of whoop ass on the next three bosses in a similar fashion and they made their way to the very core of the planet, an area called Tourian.

"The elevator should be right here, under these statues." Mohinder stepped forward and the golden sculptures of the four bosses they had defeated sank into the ground revealing the lift that would take them down to Mother Brain's domain. They hopped on and were lowered to their destination.

"What the hell are all these nasty sounds, it's like we're in someone's stomach." Sylar observed.

"They're coming from Mohinder; he had Mexican for lunch so we really shouldn't be following behind him." Peter giggled.

Mohinder ignored that as he led them through the first door and came face to face with a green, round, jelly-like creature. The monstrosity was see-through, there was some sort of red nucleus inside of it and it had teeth sticking out from the bottom of it.

They stopped in their tracks and stood there motionless, staring.

The monster stared back.

Peter whispered, "He's an ugly little spud, isn't he?"

"I think he can hear you, Peter," Sylar whispered back.

Then the creature charged and latched onto Peter's head, sucking the life and styling mousse out of his hair. "Om nom nom."

"Owowowow! Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!" he yelled while hopping around frantically. Sylar couldn't help himself and started pointing and laughing.

Mohinder blasted the monster with his freeze ray, which stopped it from moving but still left it tangled in Peter's hair.

"Dammit!" Peter shook his head but it was no use, the creature was not going anywhere. "I feel so funky." At this Sylar fell to the floor holding his sides giggling.

"The next step is to blow it up with a missile…"

Peter looked at Mohinder with wide eyes and gulped.

"…but since it's stuck to your head, we can't do that."

Peter sighed with relief.

"We'll figure out something. Come on, let's continue." They began walking.

"We could just cut his hair off?" Sylar recommended, recovering from his giggle fit.

Both Peter and Mohinder looked at Sylar as though he had just suggested setting the Mona Lisa on fire.

"Well, _excuuuuse_ me, princess! What is this thing anyway?" Sylar poked at Peter's new frozen hat.

"It's a Metroid. The Chozo created them to help contain a more deadly threat, X Parasites, but then the Space Pirates got hold of them and used them as a bioweapon."

"I see, well what was it trying to do to Peter?"

"They're vicious creatures with no natural predators but are also quite intelligent. They suck all the life out of other living things."

"Hey Peter, these things are related to your mom." He was then elbowed. "Ow!"

They went through the next corridor and were greeted by a little army of Metroids. They prepared for battle by charging up the ice beams and waited for the creatures to make the first move.

One of the smaller ones floated forward slowly, stopped a few feet away, looked back and forth between the three, and started to purr. It was wearing a pink bow.

"…"

Sylar did not like the look of this so he aimed his cannon at the creature and was about to blast it to smithereens when Peter interrupted him.

"_Stop!_ My empathy is telling me it's not going to hurt us."

"Yeah, but it's going to make us do something _degrading_, I just know it, and I can't go through that again, Peter, I just _can't!_" Sylar started to lose it.

"It'll be okay, man, pull yourself together!" Peter patted him on the back, not noticing that the small Metroid was now right near his face. When he turned back around, his nose touched it and it made a quiet squeak. Peter froze as the creature absorbed the other, frozen one on his head, freeing his hair.

"Um, thank you." He watched as the Metroid then produced a comb and started brushing his hair. Peter could do nothing but blink in response. "What the hell?"

"I think it likes you." Mohinder was trying to hide his amusement.

"How _cuuuuute!_" Sylar was _not_ trying to hide his amusement, making googly eyes at Peter.

Mohinder noticed the other Metroids coming closer. "Guys, watch out." They readied their guns again.

It looked as though there was about to be a huge battle when the Metroid with the pink bow flew down and stood in front of the approaching small army, standing up to them. It then gave its fellow aliens a short speech in its language which caused uproar in the crowd. The group started to advance on the small Metroid but then suddenly more female Metroids joined in against the larger ones, helping to defend Mohinder and company.

The three men watched in wonderment as the band of female Metroids suddenly produced frying pans and began to hit the male ones over the heads with them. The larger creatures then made a hasty retreat.

The bow-clad group then turned and floated over to the trio. They started to circle the men like vultures, purring and cooing. Pixelated red hearts appeared above their heads as they did so.

"I'm so scared I think I'm going to mimic Peter's ability to pee in his suit." Sylar was then elbowed. "Ow!"

"They're saying they'll help us defeat Mother Brain."

"Yeah, but what kinky stuff do we have to do in return?"

"Nothing, they can sense our life energy and we're unlike anything they've ever felt before. They just, I don't know… they _love_ us." Peter smiled.

"They think we're… _special_." Sylar's eyes glistened at this realization. "Alright, er, ladies, lead the way!"

At that, the Metroids scooped them up, letting them sit on top as they floated them toward their final destination. The one that brushed Peter's hair was latched onto his chest and purring. Another one was attached to Sylar's sexy bicep, and a third was sitting on Mohinder's head, playing with his soft curly hair.

It wasn't long before the taxi ride was over; they had arrived at the corridor that led to the final showdown. Within the next room was the cure to Sylar's hunger. They weren't sure what to expect but they had come this far and weren't about to give up now.

"Excuse me," Peter poked the creature still snuggled to his chest, "but I'm going to need you gals to move elsewhere. We're about to get into an epic fight and you'll be in the way."

All three of the bow-wearing Metroids nodded, released their grip, and hovered around behind their man of choice. The trio began to walk toward the door when they felt something grip onto their asses. They looked around to see that the Metroids had reattached themselves and were purring very loudly now.

"…"

Sylar growled, "Mohinder, we're being molested by _aliens!_ If this doesn't work, I'm going to _kill_ you!"

"I'd think you'd be quite used to foreign objects on your ass, Sy," Peter stated as he ducked a missile.

"Come on guys, put on your game faces," Mohinder pleaded as he led them through the door.

The room was in almost total darkness as they stepped forward slowly, unsure of what they'd encounter.

"All these damn features on this suit and we don't have a freakin' flashlight?" Sylar observed.

"We would have night vision had those Chozo given us our helmets but I suspected they didn't want to mess up _someone's_ precious hair."

"That is not my fault!" Peter defended. "Look, I'll hook us up." He held out his iPhone with the flashlight app turned on.

"Oh good, maybe the aliens will be polite and step into the _one foot_ in front of us that we can see before they attack us."

"Kiss my ass, Sy."

"Can't, there's an alien on it."

"Shut up you two! I thought I heard a noise." Mohinder then bumped into something big and blubbery and got bounced back behind the other two men.

Alarms began to buzz as the lights came on. Standing before them was a rather tall, plump, blue-skinned, boxer…? He wore a crown and had on red boxing gloves, brown pants, and yellow shoes.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" he said in a southern accent as he picked up Sylar by the back of his suit and held him eye level as if he were a ragdoll. "You sure got a purty mouth…" he took his other gloved hand and pulled it back, preparing to launch a punch, "…now squeal like a pig!"

As the fist raced toward Sylar's face, his pet Metroid lunged forward and attached itself onto the big, blue bully, causing him to drop his captive.

Sylar landed and charged his freeze ray. "Suck on these french fried potaters, _mmm hmm_!" he mocked as he blasted the whale of a man, stopping him dead in his tracks. The pet Metroid produced some pink pompoms and cheered happily.

"Um, guys, why didn't you help me?" Looking back to his comrades, he noticed they had become distracted. Mohinder was brushing his hair while checking his teeth in a mirror and Peter was playing Angry Birds on his phone.

"We knew you could handle it," Mohinder said casually as his smile sparkled.

Sylar thought about that for a moment. "Yeah, I guess you're right, I _am_ pretty awesome." He flexed his arms and his pet Metroid sighed and fainted.

"And _so_ modest," Peter added. "What was that thing anyway? He certainly doesn't seem to fit in here."

"He doesn't. At least, according to my intel. Mother Brain's only guardians should be the bosses we defeated and the Metroids. Something weird is going on here." Mohinder looked around wearily.

"Well this is a crackfic, anything can happen depending on how much sugar the writer has had," Sylar reminded them.

They walked further into the huge room until a door to the left opened and a strange looking purple eggplant creature emerged from it. They turned toward it and began charging their arm cannons on instinct.

It mumbled, "Sorry I'm late, King Hippo!" The monster then noticed the intruders had their guns aimed directly at him. "Yikes!" it screamed like a little girl as all sorts of vegetables popped out from it, a direct reaction of its fear.

Sylar raised a brow and tilted his head. "That power. You can make food appear out of nowhere just on a whim. I'd never have to go grocery shopping again!" A crazed look appeared on his face. It was The Hunger™, it had returned.

He lowered his cannon, raised his other arm, and did his thing, slicing the eggplant man's head open.

"Stop that, it tickles!" the creature laughed.

Sylar stepped closer to see there was no brain there. "What the…?" He then sliced again, looked, still nothing. He kept on carving until the monster was nothing but little pieces on the ground. "Dammit!"

"I don't like this game," the little mountain of chopped eggplant whined.

The whole place began to shake as a hole in the ground in front of them appeared. A giant glass jar started to emerge slowly from it. Inside was a creature with a huge brain, spinal cord, and a face that was attached to a strip of skin. This face had blue eye shadow on, long eyelashes, and lips with red lipstick on. This creature was female, even though she didn't have a pink bow. It was Mother Brain.

"…"

Sylar's eyes widened at the sight of the colossal brain before him. He started to drool and mutter in a weird voice, "Precious, my _precioussssssss!_" He began to run toward his prize at a frantic pace only to be stopped in his tracks by an invisible force.

"I can't move!" Peter said while struggling to break free.

"Me either." Mohinder glanced around and noticed their pet Metroids were also frozen in place.

"_Mwahahahaha!_" maniacal laughter erupted from the creature. "And what do you think you're going to do? You've come to take _me_ on? Honeychile' _please!_"

She lifted the trio up into the air and arranged them in a line in front of her. She then made them spin around slowly to get a better look of the intruders.

"Mmmhmm, _lawd have mercy!_ You three look more like Chippendales than bounty hunters. What is your purpose here?" She had an evil smirk on her face.

"Our friend here," Peter looked to Sylar, who was now foaming at the mouth, "is sick; he needs your brain to cure him."

"Ahaha! And you thought I'd just _give_ it to you?" Two tentacles came out from the bottom of the glass, grasped around Mohinder and Sylar's throats, and began to tighten.

"Actually, we plan on _taking_ it from you." The defiance in Peter's voice surprised the other two men, who were now gasping for air.

Mother Brain raised a brow in interest. The grip on them loosened, one tentacle cupped Peter's chin. "That's so cute. I'd like to see you _try_, emo one."

"Release me and I'll show you." A confident, smug look covered his face.

Mohinder turned to him and whispered, "Have you lost your mind? Do you _always_ have to be the hero?"

He whispered back, "She might be a giant, villainous brain, but she's still female." To that Mohinder gave a very confused look.

Mother Brain laughed for a few moments. "Fine. This should be good." She then lowered Peter to the ground.

"I'm going to need a boom box or something." Peter looked around as one materialized in front of him.

"Remember, that's not a toy," she cautioned him.

He leaned down and transferred a song from his phone into the stereo. The music started to play as he pressed a button on his suit which made it disappear. A pair of black, _really_ tight sweatpants was his only attire now.

All their eyes widened a little at this. The Metroids started to purr.

He gave her a smirk, got down on his hands and knees, and started to sing the song in his most deep, husky voice.

"_I can do it big, I can do it long,_" he danced, copying Ciara's Ride video, sliding around on the ground, slapping the floor. "_I can do it whenever or however you want,_" he humped the floor suggestively.

All their mouths dropped, a Metroid fainted. Heated bubbles began to rise in Mother Brain's glass housing.

He stood up, "_He love the way I riiiide it_," spread his legs, and pretended he was riding a, uh, horse, making whipping gestures with one hand, holding an invisible rein with the other, and rotating his hips provocatively. "_He love the way I riiiide the beat_," he bucked his hips slowly, his sexy abs contracting and expanding.

Another Metroid collapsed. Sylar and Mohinder's mouths had never been so dry and their eyes were about to pop out from the sockets. Mother Brain's casing was now beginning to boil over.

"_I do it to him right, it's mmm mmm good,_" he put his hands on the back of his head and rotated his crotch in a slow circular pattern. "_Handle my business like a big boy should,_" he put his thumbs on the sides of his pants and pulled them down little by little, teasingly, to the beat. Going past his happy trail but stopping just short of the Promised Land. It was _obscenely_ sexy, true story.

The last Metroid passed out. Mother Brain melted from all the sexiness into a small puddle, her glass case shattering. The other two men were released and fell to the floor. This snapped them out of the trance Peter had put them into.

"Peter, you did it!" Mohinder said as Sylar quickly put a hand over his mouth.

"Shut up! Don't disturb him while he's dancing. He's creating _art_ right now," he whispered.

They waited to see how long it would take Peter to notice them while continuing to enjoy the show. Mohinder got out his cellphone and started recording.

"What are you doing, you pervert…" Sylar tried to sound innocent, "…I _can_ get a copy of that, right?"

"This is for my, uh, _art_ research," he said, sounding equally guiltless.

"_Left hip, right hip_," he then popped his luscious ass up at the beat, "_put your back into it._" He was faced away from the other two men with his eyes closed but finally noticed Mother Brain had turned into a pile of goo except for her brain. He paused, looked to the side, and felt a smack on his bottom.

"Hey!" Peter put his suit back on and watched as Sylar raced over to the leftover brain and pounced on it like a tiger.

A bright light filled the room. When it died down, Sylar was sitting in the spot where the brain used to be with a huge smile on his face.

"Well…?" Peter and Mohinder said in unison.

Sylar replied by lighting a cigarette. "Gentlemen, I think our job here is done. I am cured!" He puffed out a couple circles of smoke.

The alarms began to sound as the lights flickered. The whole place began to shake and debris started to fall from the ceiling. A huge countdown timer appeared on the wall.

"We've got to get out of here now! This whole place is about to explode in three minutes!" Mohinder yelled, getting to his feet.

"Sounds like Peter in the bedroom." Sylar was then elbowed. "Ow!"

Mohinder grabbed the other two men by the arms and escorted them to the new door that had appeared behind Mother Brain's podium. The pet Metroids had regained consciousness and quickly followed.

They made their way back to the ship with little trouble, picking up their flightless friend and flying through any complicated rooms. They started to climb into the ship when Mohinder turned around to face Peter and the pet Metroids.

"I'm sorry, Peter. They can't come with us."

"Well they can't stay here, they'll get blown up!" Peter protested.

Sylar leaned over and whispered to Mohinder, "You don't think you'll actually win this, do you? Just give in now and let's go."

Mohinder continued, "They're killing machines. They may look cute but they are deadly. They act nice now but who knows when the urge to destroy will strike them again."

Peter glanced at Sylar, who blinked innocently, then looked back to Mohinder. "They helped us. They saved our lives and I'm not leaving without them." He crossed his arms and used his super adorable puppy eyes. The three Metroids copied him, making it four sets of puppy eyes staring back at Mohinder.

"Holy hell! Fine! Get in the ship." He raised his arms in defeat.

Sylar whispered, "Told you so." He was then elbowed. "Ow!"

The ship sped away just as the planet exploded in a beautiful display of bright colors. The Metroids watched this from the back window and sighed with relief.

Sylar started to feel a draft. Looking down, he noticed he was now wearing nothing but some boxer briefs. He looked over at the other two and it was the same for them. "Um guys, why are we now in our undies?"

Mohinder did not seem surprised. "If you beat everything on the planet within a certain time limit, you are then stripped of everything but a skimpy layer of clothing," he explained as if it made perfect sense. He then pushed a button and his suit reappeared on him.

Sylar was about to ask more questions but then decided he was too tired to care anymore. This crazy day was over with and he was cured. That was all that mattered.

The ship was set to autopilot on a course to Earth and the three weary travelers took this time to take a well-deserved nap.

The pet Metroids, however, were not sleepy at all. First they raided the ship's fridge. After they ate everything in sight, they then found some permanent markers. Looking over at the three unsuspecting, slumbering men, they began to giggle to themselves. They were up to no good that was for sure.

A while later, the ship docked in Area 51. The trio woke up and started to stretch when Sylar burst out laughing and pointed at Peter.

"What?"

"Look in the mirror."

Peter began laughing in return. "I think you should look in the mirror too."

Upon further inspection, Peter found he now had cat whiskers, a button nose, and a cat mouth on him, drawn in black ink. Sylar found he now resembled some sort of android with mechanical looking parts written on him. As for Mohinder, they got really artistic with him. He now had scales and a lizard face.

"Peter, this is all _your_ fault," Mohinder said, trying to stay dignified despite the fact his face had been vandalized by little alien hoodlums.

The Metroids were peeking around the corner, cracking up laughing at the result of their prank. The three men were not amused at all, well, Peter was a little. Most of all they were too exhausted to really get mad. Plus, now that the Metroids knew the puppy eye trick it wouldn't do much good anyway.

Peter sighed. "Let's go home now, please. I can't take any more surprises." He put his hands on their shoulders as the Metroids attached themselves and they were teleported to their apartment.

Later that night the three men were sitting on the couch watching the Conan O'Brien show. The Metroids were preoccupied playing with some cat toys on the floor.

"I want to really thank you, Mohinder. Thanks to you I am now totally free of my homicidal urges." He patted him on the back and smiled.

"It was nothing. Don't worry about it." Mohinder smiled back, his teeth sparkling.

Peter cleared his throat deliberately. Sylar turned to him and sighed. "And thank you, Peter, for saving our asses by shaking yours. You think you could teach me how to dance like that sometime?"

"Are you kidding? Both of us dancing like that, _together_, the Earth would implode or something. We'd at least give all our fangirls a heart attack. It's far too dangerous."

On the tv, Conan was doing his opening monologue. "Did you guys see this video that somehow got streamed to _everyone's_ browser today? Crazy stuff."

Mohinder looked around nervously and slowly stood up.

Conan continued, "Well just in case you haven't seen it, here's a clip." And just like that, their N' Sync dance routine was broadcasted all over late night television.

As the video played, Sylar and Peter froze, their heads slowly turning toward Mohinder, who was almost to the door by now.

"We are going to _kill_ you!" they shouted in unison and the chase was on.

You would have thought Mohinder had Daphne's power with how fast he ran.

**AN:** King Hippo and the Eggplant Wizard were Mother Brain's minions in the cartoon series Captain N: the Game Master. I couldn't resist putting them in there, it was the sugar talking, I swear. I also used the cartoon version of Mother Brain instead of the serious game version because it was way funnier (and sexier) having Peter defeat her the way he did.


End file.
